The Beautiful Rhythm of Our Family

People often talk about summer like it's the season where schedules disappear.

No alarms.No calendars.No routines.Just lazy mornings, spontaneous adventures, and going wherever the day takes you.

And honestly, that sounds wonderful.

But the truth is, that kind of summer doesn't work for every family.

In fact, for some families, the absence of rhythm creates more stress than peace.

We've learned that firsthand.

Our family thrives on rhythm.

Not rigid schedules where every minute is planned, but predictable patterns that help everyone know what to expect. Those rhythms give our home peace, and they help our oldest daughter feel secure.

She likes to know what's coming.

She isn't so tied to a schedule that we can't surprise her with an ice cream run, an afternoon at the pool, or a spontaneous family adventure. She actually enjoys surprises; it’s just even better as long as she has a little time to prepare for them. If she knows a day or two ahead what we're doing, she can process the change, adjust her expectations, and fully enjoy it with us.

It's amazing how something that seems so small can make such a big difference.

Summer, of course, likes to challenge all of that.

Our oldest attends ESY (Extended School Year). She goes to school three days a week for two weeks, has two weeks off, and then starts the cycle again.

To someone else, that might seem like an odd schedule.

To her, it's simply the new routine.

She knows exactly when she's going back. She knows when she's off. She knows what to expect.

And because she knows, she's at peace.

I've realized over the years that we all function a little better when we know what to expect. Some of us just feel that need more deeply than others.

Our oldest is what is often called "deaf plus."

She was born with Severe Bilateral SensoriNeural Hearing Loss (SNHL) and now has bilateral cochlear implants. She also has “mild” autism. 

Those labels don't define who she is. They simply help explain the unique ways she experiences the world.

They've also taught our family to communicate differently.

We primarily use spoken language, but we're all learning American Sign Language together. I've been learning ASL for about twelve years, but over the last year I've become much more intentional about becoming fluent.

Learning a new language is humbling.

It's also incredibly funny.

One of my favorite memories happened last summer.

My husband was trying to tell our daughter it was time to go clean her room.

Instead...

He confidently signed, "Go take a shower."

The only problem?

She had literally just gotten out of the shower.

She immediately burst into laughter, realized exactly what he meant, and jokingly pretended to beat him up for signing the wrong thing.

It's one of those moments that perfectly captures our family.

We laugh.

We learn.

We try again.

Communication isn't always perfect in our house, but love fills in the gaps.

Without her cochlear implants, our daughter can't hear anything. She depends on sign language, lip reading, facial expressions, and being able to clearly see the person who's speaking.

That means simple things matter.

Don't talk while walking away.

Don't cover your mouth.

Make sure she can see you before you start talking.

These are little adjustments for us now, but they weren't always automatic. They've become part of our family's rhythm.

We're also intentional about teaching advocacy.

We want our daughter to confidently tell people what she needs.

At the same time, we're teaching her sisters how to advocate for her too.

If her cochlear implants aren't on...

If the batteries die...

If someone is speaking from another room...

They know how to lovingly step in and help bridge the gap.

I hope they carry that into adulthood, not just advocating for their sister, but noticing people who need someone in their corner.

One place where our family rhythm is probably most noticeable is on Sunday mornings.

While many families are simply getting ready for church, ours starts long before we walk out the door.

We make sure cochlear implant batteries are charged.

Extra batteries? Packed.

MiniMic? Check.

Everyone has the shoes they're supposed to wear.

Everyone knows the plan.

As pastors, Sunday mornings already have their own unique rhythm. Add parenting three girls, including one who needs a little extra preparation, and our mornings may look a little different than most.

And that's okay.

It's our normal.

Then there are our Disney trips.

People sometimes assume Disney and autism can't possibly go together.

For our family, Disney actually works because of the preparation.

We spend weeks talking through the trip.

We look at maps.

We talk about where we'll eat.

We explain what each day will look like.

We watch ride videos.

We answer questions.

We prepare for changes before they happen.

By the time we walk through those park gates, everyone knows the rhythm.

Is every trip perfect?

Of course not.

But preparation creates confidence, and confidence makes room for joy.

I've realized that's true in so many areas of parenting.

Whether it's Sunday mornings, summer schedules, school routines, or a week at our favorite vacation destination, our family functions best when everyone knows what to expect.

The older I get, the more I realize every family has its own rhythm.

Some families thrive on spontaneity.

Some need structure.

Some communicate in multiple languages.

Some have extra appointments, therapy sessions, adaptive equipment, or accommodations that others never have to think about.

None of those things make a family less than.

They're simply part of that family's story.

Our family probably doesn't look "typical."

We use spoken language and sign language.

We celebrate new signs learned around the dinner table.

We double-check batteries before leaving the house.

We laugh when someone accidentally signs "take another shower."

We slow down so everyone can be included in the conversation.

And somewhere along the way, we've discovered that these aren't inconveniences.

They're gifts.

They've taught us patience.

They've taught us compassion.

They've taught us to notice people who are often overlooked.

Most of all, they've reminded us that God doesn't ask families to all look the same.

He simply asks us to love one another well.

This is the rhythm He's given our family.

It's filled with calendars and grace.

Schedules and flexibility.

Spoken words and sign language.

Sunday mornings and Disney vacations.

Cochlear implants, laughter, and a whole lot of love.

And honestly?

I wouldn't trade our beautifully different rhythm for anything.