What Being a Pastor Hasn't Changed About Me

I can remember being a kid and looking at my pastor like he was untouchable.

You didn't question him.You didn't doubt him.You shook his hand before or after service... and that was about it.

Not because he acted like he was holier than everyone else. Quite the opposite, actually. But there was this deep reverence for pastors. They were the spiritual giants. The people who always seemed to have the answers. The ones who never struggled.

At least that's how it looked through ten year old Whitney's eyes.

When I was little, I thought my pastor was perfect.

After all, he was the one preaching God's Word. He spoke with authority, courage, and conviction. Surely he had it all figured out.

Now here I am...

Twelve years into ministry.

And if there's one thing I hope people know about me, it's this:

Please don't put me on a pedestal.

Because the truth is... I'm still just me.

I know I'm not perfect.

I know I mess up.

I know I still have things God is working on in my heart.

I still have doubts. I still have worries.I still have fears. I still have areas where I realize I'm not nearly as strong as I thought I was.

Sometimes God lovingly reminds me,

"Whitney... you're not as healed from that as you thought you were."

Ouch.

He's right.

I still lose my temper sometimes.

My patience still wears thin.

I still have days where I sit back and wonder...

"Lord... what in the world am I even doing?"

Being a pastor hasn't removed my humanity.

It hasn't erased my struggles.

It hasn't made me immune to discouragement.

It hasn't made me spiritually "arrive."

What being a pastor hasn't changed about me...

...is that I'm still me.

I'm still the fun-loving, outdoorsy girl who grew up in the country.

I'm still the girl who could walk for miles just because it sounds like fun.

I'm still the girl who loves tattoos and piercings (the classy kind, please).

I'm still the girl who loves fun colors and changing my hair way more often than I probably should.

I'm still the mom who wants her daughters to build forts, dream big, use their imaginations, and make memories they'll never forget.

I'm still someone who laughs too loud.

Who cries easily.

Who wears her heart on her sleeve.

Who has really good days...

...and really hard ones too.

Most days?

I'm a hot mess.

I definitely don't have it all together.

And honestly, I'm okay with admitting that.

Because my calling has never been to be perfect.

My calling is to faithfully point people to the One who is.

The older I get, the more I realize that ministry isn't about pretending you've arrived.

It's about letting people see what it looks like to keep following Jesus, even while He's still changing you.

So if you've ever thought pastors have it all together...

Let me lovingly burst that bubble.

We're just people.

People who need grace.

People who need forgiveness.

People who still wrestle.

People who still learn.

People who still desperately need Jesus every single day.

And that may be my favorite part of the Gospel.

Not that God waits until we have it all together...

...but that He calls us, uses us, grows us, and loves us right in the middle of the process.

Grace upon grace upon grace.

And for this pastor?

That's more than enough.